My Oscar Predictions

It’s that time of year again, where every filmmaker and their second cousin’s sister’s great-uncle’s goldfish throws in their opinion on who’s going to win and who’s going to lose. And, okay, I’m about 98% sure no one gives much of a crap what I think about the Oscars. But I still want to put in my two cents, so here’s how I think it’s going to go down:

Best Picture

What’s going to win: Probably Boyhood.

What SHOULD win: Selma, Birdman, or Grand Budapest Hotel. Okay, if I were an Academy voter, I’d be totally torn.

Why: Boyhood has generated a shit-ton of buzz. Problem is, it’s a pretty mediocre movie that masquerades as a good movie under the guise of “innovation.” For me, it doesn’t work--I’ve seen staged one-second-a-day clickbait that was more impressive--but a lot of people, including the Academy apparently, think it deserves even more attention than it’s already gotten. Which sucks, because it’s taking away from the far more deserving films that, unlike Boyhood, actually had this necessary little thingie called a script. Which brings me to…

Best Adapted Screenplay

What’s going to win: This one’s tricky, but I’d put my money on American Sniper.

What SHOULD win: American Sniper

Why: First of all, can someone please tell me how in God’s name Inherent Vice got nominated over Gone Girl? Seriously. I really, really need to know how that happened, because Gone Girl was a masterpiece and the only thing worse than the script for Inherent Vice is the script for Boyhood (more on that in a minute). So no, I’m not thrilled that American Sniper is the top choice for Best Adapted. But you know, considering what it’s up against (SERIOUSLY PLEASE TELL ME WHO THEY BRIBED TO GET INHERENT VICE NOMINATED), I’d rather see that one take home the prize.

Best Original Screenplay

What’s going to win: Again, it’s a toss-up, but I’m going with Birdman.

What SHOULD win: Grand Budapest Hotel. (Sorry, Ian.)

Why: Because yes, Birdman was a phenomenal movie, and if Michael Keaton doesn’t win Best Actor I will probably cry, but Grand Budapest Hotel had some of the best dialogue I’ve seen in a very long time. (And that’s saying something, because I’ve seen some damn good movies recently.) The script is peppered with blink-and-you’ll-miss-it jokes--my favorite kind--and plenty of moments that reveal Gustave as the badass second-cousin to Atticus Finch that he clearly is. But, slight disclaimer here, I haven’t seen Nightcrawler, so maybe that one will sneak up and grab the Oscar, and maybe it deserves the Oscar--I don’t know. For now, though, I’m definitely rooting for Grand Budapest Hotel...and if Boyhood wins THIS category, there will be a revolt.

Best Leading Actress

Who’s going to win: Julianne Moore. Without a doubt.

Who SHOULD win: Rosamund Pike.

Why: Because much as I love Julianne Moore (and, please believe me, I REALLY love Julianne Moore), I truly hate the convention of giving the Oscar to whoever plays the sickest/most pitiable character, which is why I am going to flip epic levels of shit if Eddie Redmayne beats Michael Keaton. Yes, Moore is a great actress, but why is it this role that’s getting her attention when she’s played other, better characters in the past? As for Pike--dear God, I don’t think any villain from any horror movie I’ve ever seen has scared me the way she did. She was like a female Loki. And call me Crazy Feminist, I don’t care, but it was breathtakingly refreshing to see a girl get to play the psycho criminal--and get nominated for it--for once.

Best Leading Actor

Who’s going to win: Either Michael Keaton or Bradley Cooper

Who SHOULD Win: Michael Keaton

Why: I’ll admit I was pleasantly surprise by Bradley Cooper; up until now the most complex character I’ve seen him play was a weapon-crazy cyborg raccoon. American Sniper definitely changed my mind about him, a lot. With that said, if it were up to me, I’d still choose Keaton. He’s waaaay overdue for some recognition as the boss actor that he is, and whether it’s your taste or not you have to admit that objectively, Birdman was an absolutely amazing film. And, okay, maybe I just liked the character that Keaton played in Birdman better than the character that Cooper played in American Sniper. But that’s just me.

Best Animated Feature

What’s going to win: Hopefully, anything but How to Train Your Dragon 2.

What SHOULD win: Lego Movie…OH WAIT IT CAN’T BECAUSE IT WASN’T NOMINATED.

Why: Can you tell I’m just the tiniest bit upset about this? I mean, really. First How to Train Your Dragon 2 won the Golden Globes, and just how that happened I’ll never know--maybe the entire Foreign Press has a collective crush on Hiccup; that’s about all I got--and now this? WHY IS THIS MOVIE NOT GETTING THE CRITICAL ATTENTION IT OBVIOUSLY DESERVES? The most original, imaginative, freaking fantastic animated film of 2014 basically got flipped a big, fat bird and I honest to God can’t understand why. Seriously, can someone explain this to me? This is even more outrageous than Gone Girl getting passed over in favor of Inherent Vice. This verges into insanity. …Okay, fine. If it can’t be Lego Movie, then at least give it to Big Hero 6. Give Marvel some love.

Best Supporting Actress

Who’s going to win: Patricia Arquette

Who SHOULD win: Emma Stone

Why: The reason Arquette stands out in Boyhood is because basically every other actor in there is pretty much useless. Personally I think she was better as Kissin’ Kate Barlow than she in Boyhood--but there was no way in hell anyone was going to give her any attention for that, God forbid the Academy bestow any merit upon a lowly children’s film. And yes, I know, my slant towards Birdman is showing. But you can’t deny that the Emma Stone we see here is not the one we saw in Easy A. This is not teen-movie convention. This is not something we’d see her be honored for at the Kids Choice Awards. In Birdman, she’s a force to be reckoned with--you’d have to be, to hold your own against Michael Keaton, for God’s sake.

Best Supporting Actor

Who’s going to win: Either J.K. Simmons or Ethan Hawke

Who SHOULD win: Mark Ruffalo

Why: Because Ethan Hawke can’t act to save his life (and if you don’t believe me, allow me to point you in the direction of a one-note little gem called Before Sunrise) and Mark Ruffalo was the only thing that, for me, made Foxcatcher remotely watchable. I suppose I don’t mind if J.K. Simmons takes it home, though…admittedly I haven’t seen Whiplash in its entirety, but from what I’ve seen, he turned in a pretty solid performance. Still, I’d love to see Ruffalo take home an Oscar. (And no, that’s not a mild--and by mild I mean huge--crush on Mark Ruffalo talking. Nope, not at all.)

Best Director

Who’s going to win: Richard Linklater

Who SHOULD win: Wes Anderson (again, sorry Ian.)

Why: Look, I really don’t mean to hate on Linklater. I don’t hate him, at least, not the way I hate James Cameron or Lars Von Trier. It just seriously hacks me off that he’s getting buckets and buckets of attention for a film that is not only “pretty good” at best, but it’s not even his best work. I know independent filmmakers need and deserve all the love they can get, but seriously, what about Beasts of the Southern Wild, or Milk, or any of the other films by great independent filmmakers that were passed over in Oscars past? Anyway, bottom line: Linklater doesn’t suck. But Grand Budapest Hotel is a thing of beauty. I think I’ve already said everything I needed to say about this film, but--okay, one more: the landscape reminds me of Fearless Vampire Killers. There, I just gave you the perfect excuse to go see it.

Best Film Editing

What’s going to win: Sadly, it will probably be Boyhood.

What SHOULD win: Grand Budapest Hotel.

Why: Because Grand Budapest Hotel had better pacing, that’s why. I’ve already ranted at length about Boyhood. Moving on.

Best Hair/Makeup

What’s going to win: Grand Budapest Hotel (if there is ANY justice in this world)

What SHOULD win: ...Do I even need to say it?

Why: Foxcatcher didn’t need to be nominated, believe me--I’m actually shocked The Hobbit didn’t snag a nom, but I’m not going to start a rampage over that--and as much as I loved Guardians of the Galaxy, I’ve given up hope that a quirky, vintage-styled superhero film could win out over the breathtaking piece of art that is Grand Budapest Hotel.

Best Score

What’s going to win: Interstellar, probably.

What SHOULD win: Either Interstellar or Grand Budapest Hotel.

Why: I’ll be happy either way, but I’m pretty sure Hans Zimmer is going to take this one. Again, disclaimer though, I haven’t seen Mr. Turner, so I’m kind of withholding judgement for this category.

Best Original Song

What’s going to win: “Glory.” I’m almost 100% positive.

What SHOULD win: “Everything is Awesome.”

Why: Because if the damn movie didn’t even get nominated, the freaking Lego Movie theme song should get some love, for God’s sake. Come on, Academy. Redeem yourself. It’s not too late.

Best VFX

What’s going to win: Interstellar or Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.

What SHOULD win: Guardians of the Galaxy

Why: Because holy crap, did that movie go out of its freaking way to convince us that Vin Diesel was a tree and Bradley Cooper was actually a raccoon. Also, it convinced us that Josh Brolin was Thanos, Karen Gillian was a psychopathic Inspector Gadget, and Lee “The Piemaker” Pace is the sexiest BAMF on the planet. Oh wait...maybe they didn’t actually need to put much effort into that last one. ;)

Best Costume Design

What’s going to win: Into the Woods

What SHOULD win: Grand Budapest Hotel

Why: I kind of wish Guardians had been nominated for this category instead of Best Hair and Makeup, because the costumes in that film were damn amazing. But I wouldn’t mind seeing Grand Budapest Hotel take this one. Think about it: Into the Woods had a stage musical to go off of, while Hotel had to start from scratch. And come on, have you seen the period costumes in that movie? *swoon*

Best Production Design

What’s going to win: Into the Woods

What SHOULD win: Grand Budapest Hotel

Why: Again, I’d have loved to see Guardians of the Galaxy nominated for this, but let’s face it, that was never going to happen. So yes, I’d love to see Grand Budapest Hotel take this one--because, again, period sets. Holy crap, have you seen the period sets in that movie the whole thing even the prison looks like a damn postcard.

Okay. Now, I know I skipped a few, but I’m still divided on who’s going to win either of the Best Sound awards and I’m also purposefully leaving out any categories wherein I’ve seen none of the films, and sad as it is, I haven’t seen any of the Best Documentary, Best Foreign or Best Short nominees, except for the animated short Feast (and I don’t even have to worry about that one, I know it’s going to win). So I’m going to leave it up to the experts to discuss those nominees. I will say, though, that I have immense trust in the Academy’s taste in documentaries ever since they refused to bow to the hype and give Blackfish so much as a nomination.

Now everyone who believes in God, pray for Ian because he’s going to have to hear every single bit of my freaked-out commentary and put up with my mini-meltdowns when all my favorites lose on February 22nd.

Happy Oscars, everyone, and may the odds be ever in your favor. (Unless you’re Richard Linklater. In which case, please go make a movie that actually deserves an Academy Award. And give Ellar Coltrane some better material next time, you severely underutilized that talent. For shame. AND WE BOTH KNOW YOU CAN WRITE A BETTER SCRIPT THAN THAT. CHRIST DO I HAVE TO SPELL EVERYTHING OUT FOR YOU, LINKLATER?!?)

TV worth watching - round 1

You know what I love about good TV? It’s like a movie that you can watch every week and get a new ending. It’s like Christmas actually lasting for 12 days, instead of opening up all your presents on the first day. To me, watching a really, really good TV show is like getting a group Skype call from your best friends. You’re not just watching. You’re experiencing. You genuinely can’t wait to find out what they’ve been up to while you’re away.

My favorites are the ones that the critics don’t always like. (Big surprise, right?) I love finding fledgling shows and watching them grow up. I love hearing people say “Oh that won’t last, it’s a niche show, the audience is too specific,” and then seeing that show last eight or ten or, hell, eleven seasons. (I’m looking at you, Supernatural.) I love shows that let you fall in love with the characters over time, instead of trying to cram all the character development into the first episode so you’ll get hooked and keep watching. I love shows that seek to emotionally wreck their audience. (And if that isn’t a shout-out to Joss Whedon then I don’t know what is.) More than anything I love shows that drop all the flash, all the gimmicks and just try to tell the damn story.

Reality TV doesn’t do that for me. Never has. And I’ll watch Friends and Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother and all those in the company of others, but when I need something to really get into? This is what I go for:

Sleepy Hollow (Fox, Monday nights)

I can see why critics aren’t exactly worshiping this one. I’ve heard it described as “a more racially diverse Supernatural,” and okay, that’s kind of accurate, but hear me out. The people running this show aren’t pulling random crap out of their asses. They aren’t thinking “Gosh, what shall we do this week? I know, let’s have them chase an 8-foot voodoo doll.” The showrunners have an end in mind, and that’s what made the first season so good. The storytelling in the second season is a little less tight, but the snooze-you-lose pacing--as well as the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it humor--that made the first season fly by lives on. The cast is brilliant and, as noted above, incredibly diverse--the first season alone featured John Cho, Orlando Jones, Amandla Stenberg, Nicholas Gonzalez, Katia Winter, Lyndie Greenwood, and Michael Teh. But my favorite thing about the show is that it’s one of the rare and amazing ones that features a strong platonic bond between a kick-ass woman and an equally kick-ass man. Any show that doesn’t play up a romantic subplot between its two lead characters and refuses to reinforce the stereotype that men and women can’t be “just friends?” Pure gold, in my book.

Orange is the New Black (Netflix)

Okay, so you’ll have to wait a while until season three. But it’s worth it. Why do I love this show so much? I don’t even know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the lead character, the one we’re supposed to empathize with (or, at the very least, sympathize with), does some really despicable things and we still root for her anyway. There are few shows that can pull that off, but Orange is one of them. The character development is astounding. There are characters who change drastically, characters who never change, characters who have good motives and characters who scare you with how selfish they are. And if there’s one thing Orange knows how to do better than character development, it’s work a cliffhanger. Not to spoil anything, but the season 2 finale gave us nuns, scandals, a hit-and-run, and not one but two daring escape attempts. So the bottom line is that whatever emotions Orange is the New Black brings out in you, boredom will not be one of them.

Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family, Tuesdays)

Okay, this is radical but hear me out: Everyone says Glee is progressive, but I don’t think it’s got anything on Pretty Little Liars. Don’t believe me? Think about Emily from PLL vs. Kurt from Glee. Sure, Emily is “sporty” (she’s a swimmer, for anyone who doesn’t watch the show) but she’s still distinctly feminine, wears makeup and keeps her hair long, and knows how to rock a sexy steampunk Victorian dress when the occasion arises. Also? Like pretty much every character from Orange is the New Black, she’s imperfect--she makes her mistakes, and the villainous “A” is always there to point it out. Compare that to Kurt, who satisfies maybe 80-90% of the gay stereotypes we’ve been fed since the dawn of cinema--and who is often portrayed as the “angel” of the show and practically worshiped by the fandom. Moreover Kurt and Blaine are played as “true loves”--friendly reminder that they met at 15 and 16, roughly--whereas Emily has dated around and refused to compromise herself just to stay in a relationship. You go, girl. ...And, okay, maybe the fact that this is a female-driven murder-mystery drama (and, for anyone who cares, it passes the Bechdel Test practically every damn episode) really appeals to me. I get that it won’t appeal to everyone but please, everybody--don’t knock it until you try it.

Agent Carter (ABC, Tuesday nights)

Yeah, I know. My Marvel Nerd is showing. For the record, I also love Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.--but I’m telling you this one is better than Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and okay, maybe I’m only saying that because I love Hayley Atwell to an almost unhealthy extent. But--serious now--this show does what Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. still seems to struggle with: it puts the character development ahead of the action. If you miss one episode of Agents, good luck catching up with whatever the hell is going on (“Uh...well...my best guess, someone is trying to take over the world again…?”). The plot of Agent Carter is still pretty heavy (it is a Marvel show, after all) but it’s a little easier to catch up, due to the emphasis on characters as, well, characters, rather than firmly locking every single participant into the role of “action hero” or “mastermind villain.” Sure, there are cheesy moments--again I say, it’s Marvel, hello guys, need I remind you of the talking raccoon that starred in their last big blockbuster?--but overall this is one of their best efforts.

Parks and Recreation (NBC, Tuesdays)

Leslie Knope is basically me in 15 years (and in politics instead of film, but hell, same difference). Refusal to give up? Check. Loves her friends and hates her enemies with equal intensity? Check. Has wild ideas and moves heaven and earth to make them happen? Check. Fights for what she believes in, no matter how silly or small the issue might be? Oh, God yes. (Ask anyone who was in my senior class how I went around passing out red ribbons to promote a “drug-free lifestyle” the entire month of October. Or ask anyone at my public high school about the time I decked myself out in Red Jumpsuit Apparatus merch when their new album came out. Or...I think I’ve made my point.) And whether you like it or not, there is at least one character on Parks and Rec that you can relate to. I guarantee it. Yes, the plotlines can veer off into farce-land before you even realize it’s happening, but it’s funny--and with a cast including Amy Poehler, Aziz Ansari, Chris Pratt, Nick Offerman, and Aubrey Plaza, you’d damn well expect it to be.

Supernatural (CW, Tuesdays)

Man, there’s a lot of good TV on Tuesdays, isn’t there? Thank God for Hulu. (Or, if you don’t have Hulu, feel free to sub “DVR” or “DVD burning software” or other means of recording TV.) Okay, back to Supernatural--honestly, even I don’t know what I see in this show, other than the fact that Sam, Dean, and Castiel dish out snark that would make Lorelai and Rory Gilmore green with envy. Yes, there are plot holes (even bigger than the ones in Gilmore Girls, now that I think about it), yes, some of the meta crosses a line and yes, some of the horror elements can get a little over-the-top…but honestly, that’s what makes it fun. The meta-episodes, most notably “The French Mistake,” are basically love letters to the fans, which makes sense considering that certain characters (like Castiel, for instance) were brought on as cameos and turned into series regulars because of the fan response. And even if all that doesn’t impress? The cast is amazing. Seriously, can someone please tell me why no Oscar-baiting director has snatched up Misha Collins yet, because that man is a boss.

My work: Auto-Incorrect

This past summer I made a short film as a final project for my practical film production class. It was an 8-week, 4-credit-hour class, so you know that means a lot of work packed into a very short amount of time. All told I think I spent maybe 3 weeks total on Auto-Incorrect, from the initial conception of the idea to the final presentation. And for sure I could not have done this without my amazing A.D. Morgan (who plays Thea in the film) and kick-ass lead actor Billy (who, you guessed it, plays Jamie). Making a short film is never easy, but when you're doing it with friends, it's definitely a LOT more fun.

Watch Auto-Incorrect HERE.

My work: He's A Rockstar

For my senior year at Interlochen I had to make a film to show off everything I'd learned during my time there. They called it "senior thesis." Those of us who had to make them called it "anywhere from four to nine months running around like a headless chicken trying to write, shoot, edit, and produce a short film that would impress prospective colleges."

You wouldn't believe how much work I put into this film. I started writing it the summer before senior year and finally finished the script in November. I shot it January 13-15 2011, edited like a madwoman, got help on the titles, commissioned and supervised the recording of the music, and premiered the damn thing (as I so affectionately called it at that point) at the end-of-year student showcase in May 2011. And the result of all that work? It got into exactly one film festival and was available for streaming--it wasn't even screened.

So, yeah, suffice it to say that this was not the hit of my lifetime. But because I spent basically my entire senior year slaving over it, He's A Rockstar holds a special place in my heart. It's pretty much the ultimate fantasy of my teenage years: meeting and falling in love with the frontman of my favorite band. The kind of movie only a teenage girl would make. But, honestly, when all is said and done, I don't think it's all that bad.

Watch He's A Rockstar HERE.

Book-to-movie adaptations I'm dying to make

Adaptations are a double-edged sword. Get it wrong, the fans of the book will kill you; get it right, you’ll spark endless arguments about whether the book or the film was better. And as a book nerd I’ll admit, when it comes to book-to-movie adaptations I’m cautious. I almost always come out thinking “Why did they __? Why did they cast ___? Why didn’t they include that scene where the characters ___? Why did they cut out ___?” But there are some truly brilliant ones out there (Disney’s Narnia series, Carrie, Bridge to Terabithia, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, A Clockwork Orange, The Fault in our Stars and Let the Right One In, to name a few), and it’s because of those lovely films that I believe the idea of adapting a book for the screen is not inherently a bad one. Here are the ones I’d love to get behind--and I seriously hope I’m established in “the Industry” by the time Hollywood gets around to making them.

The book: Peter and the Starcatchers

The author: Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson

Why I want to make it: It’s true there’s a crap-ton of Peter Pan adaptations, but I promise you haven’t seen one like this before, and I can’t believe for a minute that Disney wouldn’t want to cash in on it. In fact, they’ve already made it into a play--and rumor has it they’ve got a movie adaptation in the works. Whoever does it, I hope they do it right, because this is hands-down the best literary adaptation of J.M. Barrie’s play that I have ever read. It’s part-fantasy, part-sci fi, part-romance and part-coming of age--and it’s 100% pirates, mermaids, and island natives kicking ass. There is so much to love about this book. It was pretty much made for the screen; the descriptions are so vivid that it’s practically a screenplay. And then there’s four sequels, too. Hello, franchise!

If I can’t do it… I’d love to see Chris Columbus take this one on. He did such a great job with the first two Harry Potter films I know he’d kick ass with Starcatchers, because if nothing else, he’s got the child-fantasy-with-just-a-hint-of-grow-up-humor thing down pat.

Just don’t give it to: Pete Jackson. He proved with The Hobbit trilogy (which shouldn’t even exist in the first place) that he can’t be trusted with childhood bedtime stories.

The book: The Two Princesses of Bamarre

The author: Gail Carson Levine

Why I want to make it: Because it’s damn beautiful, that’s why. Because in terms of female empowerment, this book even blows Ella Enchanted out of the water. In Two Princesses, a sixteen-year-old princess who is so terrified of her own shadow that she’s never even left the castle grounds takes on a high-stakes quest to find the cure for a plague so she can save her infinitely-braver sister. Let’s just unpack this: In Ella Enchanted, what finally enables Ella to break the curse is her love for a prince. In Two Princesses, the motive for change is Addie’s sister, not her love interest. Now I’m not one of those hardcore “if it’s for a man it doesn’t count” SJW feminists, but I love the idea of a princess story where the prince/love interest takes a secondary role--and yes, I know Disney has done that before, but that still doesn’t make me any less happy when they do it again.

If I can’t do it… Catherine Hardwicke. Please, please, please give this to Catherine Hardwicke. We know that she can tackle the mystery-magical element of it, thanks to Twilight and Red Riding Hood, but I’d love to see her handle it Lords of Dogtown-style and shoot the ogre vs. human fight scenes with a GoPro and a lipstick camera.

Just don’t give it to: Tommy O’Haver, Kirsten Smith, and Karen McCullah Lutz. You might know them as the team of jackasses who ruined Ella Enchanted with a terrible script and worse direction.

The book: Future Eden

The author: Colin Thompson

Why I want to make it: Because I’m a huge damn dork...and because it’s one of the most hilarious sci-fi novels I’ve ever read. Thompson’s writing style reminds me a lot--and I do mean a hell of a lot--of Douglas Adams. Now, I’ll grant you that trying to adapt Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy didn’t turn out as well as it could have. But I don’t think we should make it like Hitchhiker. I think we should make it like Alice in Wonderland. The book is a big damn science-fiction acid trip, so let’s treat it like that! Let’s get Ellen DeGeneres to voice Ethel the Chicken. Let’s have the Jim Henson Company make Douglas into a puppet. Let’s get Danny Elfman to score the damn thing--why not?

If I can’t do it… Let Spielberg take it--why not? He might have taken a more serious turn post-Schindler’s List, but judging by the fourth Indiana Jones film he’s still got a few lighthearted sci-fi bullets in his chamber.

Just don’t give it to: George Lucas. I know, I know--he works great with Spielberg, he’s a genius and all that, I know, it’s true--but the man tends to fix it until it’s broke.

The book: A Cold Day in Paradise

The author: Steve Hamilton

Why I want to make it: I know we’re not exactly short on action films (*cough*third sequel to Taken why?*cough cough*) but this isn’t your garden-variety detective pulp fiction. Alex McKnight is a jackass with a hero complex, he’s got a bullet lodged in his chest, he lives in the UP of Michigan where it is cold as hell most of the year, and he’s got a colorful cast of friends in his life that not only keep him on his toes, but keep a reader intrigued. I’d love to direct this partly because it’s set in my home state, and partly because holy crap did this book scare the hell out of me. You think it’s going to be a normal murder mystery, but at the end--and Hamilton does this every single time--there’s a plot twist that socks you right in the gut. I want to be responsible for bringing that gut-sock to the big screen.

If I can’t do it… I would so love to see Kathryn Bigelow do this film, Hurt Locker-style, because the issue with so many cop/action films is that the characters get reduced to archetypes and Bigelow generally tries her damndest not to let that happen.

Just don’t give it to: Michael Bay. Holy mother of God, do not let Michael Bay do this film. So much nope. Just. So. Much. Nope.

The book: Peace Breaks Out

The author: John Knowles

Why I want to make it: This is the sequel/companion novel to A Separate Peace that picks up the school year after World War II ends. The senior class of 1946 has missed the “big event of the century” by just a few months, and some of them aren’t too happy about it. Wexford, an ambitious, self-possessed student trying to make a name for himself, clashes violently with his teacher, war hero Pete, and his classmate, conservative German-descended Hocshwender, in a showdown that leads to a tragic outcome. The players may be slightly different from those in A Separate Peace, but the intensity of the narrative--and the resonation it’s bound to have with any readers who are or remember what it’s like to be teenagers--is still there. A Separate Peace has already been adapted for the screen a couple of times, and I see no reason why Peace Breaks Out doesn’t deserve the same honor.

If I can’t do it… Gus Van Sant would kick ass at making this book into a movie. Look at Elephant, for God’s sake, or Paranoid Park--this man definitely understands teenage boys, no matter what generation they’re from.

Just don’t give it to: Disney. Disney, I love you, but please, please don’t do to this film what you did to Johnny Tremain.

The book: Twisted

The author: Laurie Halse Anderson

Why I want to make it: Because Tyler, the protagonist, reminds me in turns of myself, my boyfriend, my best guy friend from college, my ex, my best friend from high school, and--most interestingly--my arch-nemesis in high school. Just like Knowles and Van Sant, Laurie Halse Anderson knows high school students whether they’re from her generation or not, and all her books demonstrate that understanding with an intensity that leaves readers winded after a few chapters on her rollercoaster. She doesn’t shy away from the hard stuff (Twisted tackles suicide, while Speak--which they’ve already adapted--tackled rape, and others take on eating disorders, PTSD, broken families and low-income families) and generally doesn’t leave much to the imagination. This might not be an easy book to adapt to the screen, but it’s a film that definitely deserves to be made.

If I can’t do it… Rumor has it they’ve already optioned this to be a film. Is it too much to hope that they’ll let Anand Tucker direct it? His technique in Shopgirl, which was to use the color palette and lights represent Mirabelle’s emotions, would lend itself very well to this kind of movie.

Just don’t give it to: See comment on Peace Breaks Out. Multiply by 4,000. Again I say: love you Disney, but don’t you dare touch this movie.