To the teenage girl locked in her dorm room, lonely and afraid, who thinks the only people who are capable of understanding her are other misfits, who can’t stop crying, who thinks this is her last chance to be heard--I never thought I’d be so happy to say it, but you are wrong.
Possession is not your worst failure. He’s A Rockstar is not the best film you will ever make. Alien Water Torture is a dead-end script, you’ll only frustrate yourself trying to finish it. You will have better ideas, so many better ideas that will be thrilling and crazy and make you think that you’re a genius just for thinking of them. You will write better stories. You will make better movies. Four years from now, you will look back on the films you made at Interlochen and some of them will make you proud, and others will make you smile and shake your head as you think, my God, look how far I have come.
That TV series that you started planning out when you were thirteen? You’ll finish it. You will figure out how to end the show, and you will write the pilot script, and you will feel so unreasonably proud of yourself that you won’t know how to deal with it, so you’ll celebrate by telling your mom about your show (something you’ve never told her before) while your puppy (yes, you finally get a puppy!) jumps up and licks your face.
Seventeen-year-old Avery, I know you think that you will have your life together when you are 22. You won’t. You will be on the verge of graduating college. You will be terrified. You will be exhilarated. You will be so, so ready to get out of the classroom, so ready to run and scream and throw yourself into life headfirst. You won’t be afraid to move anymore. You won’t cling to what is left of your childhood with an ironclad grip because you will know that it is safe to move on. (But you’ll never forget where you came from. I promise you, you are afraid that you will forget, but rest assured you will always remember.)
You won’t have the body of Scarlett Johansson or the hair of Lucy Hale (I know, I know; it’s disappointing, but you’ll learn to deal with it). You won’t dress like Demi Lovato--but, I mean, did you ever really want to?--and you won’t ever have Katy Perry’s singing voice. The good news is, you will find someone who loves you even though you don’t have all those things, and you will love them back. You will get engaged, and the engagement will break off. You’ll live. You’ll write about it, and you will learn from it, and you will feel better. You will fall in love again, this time with someone who loves movies as unreservedly as you do, and he will make you laugh and make you feel more wanted than anyone else ever has.
And in March of 2015, just two months out from your graduation, you will be at your college film festival with this boy. He will hold your hand while the awards ceremony gets underway. And he will be as surprised--and as thrilled--as you are when your film, the one you worked so hard on and were so proud of, wins the Student Choice Award.
Wait, back up.
You, the girl who believes she will never be worth anything because she didn’t get chosen for Interlochen Collage or end-of-year Convocation, will make a movie over the summer. And it will be good. Not, like, Sundance-worthy or anything, but good. Funnier and lighter and less self-conscious than anything you’ve made in the past, with a simpler premise and relatable characters, and it will be a lot harder to make than you think it will be (damn iPhone subtitles), but it will work, and you will be so proud of it, and you will be so damn excited to let people see it. And on March 13th, 2015, you will win an award. Not just any award--the Students Choice Award. The award that means your peers, your fellow filmmakers, voted for you. The award that means hey, other people in your demographic think you’re kind of all right. The award that gives you the validation you’ve been looking for.
Oh...and by the way, you’ll win Best Special Effects, too. What do you think of that, girl-who-thinks-you-can’t-edit-or-do-anything-technical-to-save-your-life? Pretty awesome, am I right?
It’ll just be one film festival. Just one festival, hosted by your school, with a limited selection of films playing. But it will mean the world to you, and you will feel so happy that you’ll still feel the afterglow two days later. And it will give you the confidence you’ll need to submit to another festival, outside of your school bubble. You’ll be so excited you won’t care if you look fat in the pictures your parents and your boyfriend will take after the ceremony. You will hold onto your friend and partner in movie-making crime as she laughs in delight over her own little collection of awards, and you’ll feel more happy for her than you do for yourself, and for the rest of the night you’re too happy to let anything get you down.
No, it’s no Oscar. But it’s yours. It’s something you earned, something you wanted and something you got just for being good at what you do, and it’s what you’ve been waiting for and it’s going to feel like the greatest moment of your life.
That’s what’s coming up for you, seventeen-year-old Avery. Please, wait for it. Please, don’t think you’re worthless because you haven’t gotten it yet. It’s coming. It’ll be here. And I have a feeling there’s more where that came from. So just--hold on. Just know, it’s not here yet, but it will be. and you will be too excited for words when it happens.
Just hang in there until it comes.
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