Adaptations are a double-edged sword. Get it wrong, the fans of the book will kill you; get it right, you’ll spark endless arguments about whether the book or the film was better. And as a book nerd I’ll admit, when it comes to book-to-movie adaptations I’m cautious. I almost always come out thinking “Why did they __? Why did they cast ___? Why didn’t they include that scene where the characters ___? Why did they cut out ___?” But there are some truly brilliant ones out there (Disney’s Narnia series, Carrie, Bridge to Terabithia, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, A Clockwork Orange, The Fault in our Stars and Let the Right One In, to name a few), and it’s because of those lovely films that I believe the idea of adapting a book for the screen is not inherently a bad one. Here are the ones I’d love to get behind--and I seriously hope I’m established in “the Industry” by the time Hollywood gets around to making them.
The book: Peter and the Starcatchers
The author: Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson
Why I want to make it: It’s true there’s a crap-ton of Peter Pan adaptations, but I promise you haven’t seen one like this before, and I can’t believe for a minute that Disney wouldn’t want to cash in on it. In fact, they’ve already made it into a play--and rumor has it they’ve got a movie adaptation in the works. Whoever does it, I hope they do it right, because this is hands-down the best literary adaptation of J.M. Barrie’s play that I have ever read. It’s part-fantasy, part-sci fi, part-romance and part-coming of age--and it’s 100% pirates, mermaids, and island natives kicking ass. There is so much to love about this book. It was pretty much made for the screen; the descriptions are so vivid that it’s practically a screenplay. And then there’s four sequels, too. Hello, franchise!
If I can’t do it… I’d love to see Chris Columbus take this one on. He did such a great job with the first two Harry Potter films I know he’d kick ass with Starcatchers, because if nothing else, he’s got the child-fantasy-with-just-a-hint-of-grow-up-humor thing down pat.
Just don’t give it to: Pete Jackson. He proved with The Hobbit trilogy (which shouldn’t even exist in the first place) that he can’t be trusted with childhood bedtime stories.
The book: The Two Princesses of Bamarre
The author: Gail Carson Levine
Why I want to make it: Because it’s damn beautiful, that’s why. Because in terms of female empowerment, this book even blows Ella Enchanted out of the water. In Two Princesses, a sixteen-year-old princess who is so terrified of her own shadow that she’s never even left the castle grounds takes on a high-stakes quest to find the cure for a plague so she can save her infinitely-braver sister. Let’s just unpack this: In Ella Enchanted, what finally enables Ella to break the curse is her love for a prince. In Two Princesses, the motive for change is Addie’s sister, not her love interest. Now I’m not one of those hardcore “if it’s for a man it doesn’t count” SJW feminists, but I love the idea of a princess story where the prince/love interest takes a secondary role--and yes, I know Disney has done that before, but that still doesn’t make me any less happy when they do it again.
If I can’t do it… Catherine Hardwicke. Please, please, please give this to Catherine Hardwicke. We know that she can tackle the mystery-magical element of it, thanks to Twilight and Red Riding Hood, but I’d love to see her handle it Lords of Dogtown-style and shoot the ogre vs. human fight scenes with a GoPro and a lipstick camera.
Just don’t give it to: Tommy O’Haver, Kirsten Smith, and Karen McCullah Lutz. You might know them as the team of jackasses who ruined Ella Enchanted with a terrible script and worse direction.
The book: Future Eden
The author: Colin Thompson
Why I want to make it: Because I’m a huge damn dork...and because it’s one of the most hilarious sci-fi novels I’ve ever read. Thompson’s writing style reminds me a lot--and I do mean a hell of a lot--of Douglas Adams. Now, I’ll grant you that trying to adapt Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy didn’t turn out as well as it could have. But I don’t think we should make it like Hitchhiker. I think we should make it like Alice in Wonderland. The book is a big damn science-fiction acid trip, so let’s treat it like that! Let’s get Ellen DeGeneres to voice Ethel the Chicken. Let’s have the Jim Henson Company make Douglas into a puppet. Let’s get Danny Elfman to score the damn thing--why not?
If I can’t do it… Let Spielberg take it--why not? He might have taken a more serious turn post-Schindler’s List, but judging by the fourth Indiana Jones film he’s still got a few lighthearted sci-fi bullets in his chamber.
Just don’t give it to: George Lucas. I know, I know--he works great with Spielberg, he’s a genius and all that, I know, it’s true--but the man tends to fix it until it’s broke.
The book: A Cold Day in Paradise
The author: Steve Hamilton
Why I want to make it: I know we’re not exactly short on action films (*cough*third sequel to Taken why?*cough cough*) but this isn’t your garden-variety detective pulp fiction. Alex McKnight is a jackass with a hero complex, he’s got a bullet lodged in his chest, he lives in the UP of Michigan where it is cold as hell most of the year, and he’s got a colorful cast of friends in his life that not only keep him on his toes, but keep a reader intrigued. I’d love to direct this partly because it’s set in my home state, and partly because holy crap did this book scare the hell out of me. You think it’s going to be a normal murder mystery, but at the end--and Hamilton does this every single time--there’s a plot twist that socks you right in the gut. I want to be responsible for bringing that gut-sock to the big screen.
If I can’t do it… I would so love to see Kathryn Bigelow do this film, Hurt Locker-style, because the issue with so many cop/action films is that the characters get reduced to archetypes and Bigelow generally tries her damndest not to let that happen.
Just don’t give it to: Michael Bay. Holy mother of God, do not let Michael Bay do this film. So much nope. Just. So. Much. Nope.
The book: Peace Breaks Out
The author: John Knowles
Why I want to make it: This is the sequel/companion novel to A Separate Peace that picks up the school year after World War II ends. The senior class of 1946 has missed the “big event of the century” by just a few months, and some of them aren’t too happy about it. Wexford, an ambitious, self-possessed student trying to make a name for himself, clashes violently with his teacher, war hero Pete, and his classmate, conservative German-descended Hocshwender, in a showdown that leads to a tragic outcome. The players may be slightly different from those in A Separate Peace, but the intensity of the narrative--and the resonation it’s bound to have with any readers who are or remember what it’s like to be teenagers--is still there. A Separate Peace has already been adapted for the screen a couple of times, and I see no reason why Peace Breaks Out doesn’t deserve the same honor.
If I can’t do it… Gus Van Sant would kick ass at making this book into a movie. Look at Elephant, for God’s sake, or Paranoid Park--this man definitely understands teenage boys, no matter what generation they’re from.
Just don’t give it to: Disney. Disney, I love you, but please, please don’t do to this film what you did to Johnny Tremain.
The book: Twisted
The author: Laurie Halse Anderson
Why I want to make it: Because Tyler, the protagonist, reminds me in turns of myself, my boyfriend, my best guy friend from college, my ex, my best friend from high school, and--most interestingly--my arch-nemesis in high school. Just like Knowles and Van Sant, Laurie Halse Anderson knows high school students whether they’re from her generation or not, and all her books demonstrate that understanding with an intensity that leaves readers winded after a few chapters on her rollercoaster. She doesn’t shy away from the hard stuff (Twisted tackles suicide, while Speak--which they’ve already adapted--tackled rape, and others take on eating disorders, PTSD, broken families and low-income families) and generally doesn’t leave much to the imagination. This might not be an easy book to adapt to the screen, but it’s a film that definitely deserves to be made.
If I can’t do it… Rumor has it they’ve already optioned this to be a film. Is it too much to hope that they’ll let Anand Tucker direct it? His technique in Shopgirl, which was to use the color palette and lights represent Mirabelle’s emotions, would lend itself very well to this kind of movie.
Just don’t give it to: See comment on Peace Breaks Out. Multiply by 4,000. Again I say: love you Disney, but don’t you dare touch this movie.
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